Cumberland

Cumberland is a small village nestled in the Brown Wizard Delta, celebrated for its picturesque landscapes and prosperous agricultural legacy. This tranquil farming hamlet was once a beacon of community spirit and high-quality produce. However, a corporate invasion by a branch of Hexxon drastically altered the town's character and lifestyle.

History

Founding and Early Years

Cumberland was founded by Arthur C. Cumber in xx92 AD as a self-sufficient commune/homestead for himself and a few close friends but quickly blossomed into a much more complete town, with roads and farmland stretching out from the original settlement for dozens of miles in each direction. The impeccably fertile soil and temperate climate provided the perfect conditions for diverse crops and livestock, the abundance of which fueled a thriving local economy with the town's superior meat products and fresh vegetables in high demand across neighboring regions.

Corporate Invasion

In xx23AD, Cumberland was bought out by Hexxon. The introduction of a large amount of capital and installation of ruthless middle managers armed with a runiversal distribution network morphed the hamlet into an epicenter of industrial agriculture. The serene farming village was soon overshadowed by imposing factories and processing plants, producing mediocre meat products and frozen vegetables and shipping them everywhere from the Buffkin Plains to Fort Turtle. This drastic shift from Cumberland's traditional farming ethos greatly angered the locals, but allowed the brand of Cumberland to spread far and wide, soon becoming a household name.

The Great Rebellion

In retaliation to the corporate invasion, a group of citizens made up of members of the former Home Owners Association united to reclaim the town's former glory and eradicate Hexxon’s influence. It was clear that they had no chance at taking back the town on their own, so they invoked the formidable and fearsome Cthulhucumber to aid them in their pursuit.

With Cthulhucumber's assistance, the townsfolk conducted a ritual that bestowed life and purpose upon the mediocre meat and vegetable products manufactured in the factories. These reanimated products, deemed the Heroes of Cumberland, were imbued with a militant purpose and began waging war on their creators. This event was known as the Great Rebellion.

The rebellion was a tumultuous and chaotic conflict, with the reanimated products demonstrating an unforeseen level of tenacity and resolve. The plant managers and factory workers hired by Hexxon were unprepared for the uprising, and many packed up and left what had quickly become a dangerous work environment. A few notable managers held their posts and battled to retain control of their factories and shipping depots, most of them holed up in their offices withstanding prolonged siege.

The rebellion was effectively squashed when a marketing manager at Hexxon offered the then-leader of the rebellion a spot as the spokesperson for Cumberland Foods along with a hefty salary, which he immediately accepted, leading to a few other heroes to do the same. This spiraled out of control as the rank and file troops lost morale and lieutenants fought amongst themselves to decide who would be next in line for a brand mascot position.

Descent into Anarchy

Following the short-lived rebellion, Cumberland descended into a state of anarchy. The Heroes of Cumberland formed tribes and began quarreling amongst themselves over who would be the next Cucumdog Idol and the dangers and benefits of GMOs. Production in the Hexxon factories resumed as normal after minimal repairs and rehiring.

Notable Locations

• Ballpark - The town's pride, Cumberland Ballpark is a vast expanse of green where local teams compete in friendly matches, and families come for picnics on sunny days.
• Deli - A quaint, family-run establishment, the Cumberland Deli is known for its artisanal sandwiches and cured meats. The scent of freshly baked bread greets you at the door.
• Grocery - Cumberland's main grocery store, stocked with everything from local produce to imported delicacies. It's the go-to spot for daily shopping needs.
• Farmer's Market - Set up every weekend, local farmers and artisans bring their fresh produce and handcrafted goods, making it a bustling hub of activity.
• Cucumdowns - A scenic hillock named after the cucumbers that grow in abundance here. It's a popular spot for hiking and offers a panoramic view of Cumberland.
• Convenience Store - Open 24/7, this store is the lifeline for late-night snack runs and emergency supplies. It's run by an elderly couple who seem to know everyone in town.
• Drive-Thru - A modern addition to Cumberland, this McWazir's drive-thru serves quick bites and is a favorite among the younger generation and Morons of all ages.
• Garbage Plate - An oddly named diner, famous for its large portions and diverse menu. Locals joke about its name but swear by the food.
• Buffet - A spacious eatery offering a vast variety of dishes. From local favorites to international cuisine, the Cumberland Buffet has something for every palate.
• Lunchroom - Situated in the heart of the business district, the Lunchroom is where office-goers gather for a quick meal and catch up on town gossip.
• Cafeteria - Located in Cumberland's main school, this cafeteria is filled with the laughter of children and serves nutritious meals to students.
• Mess Hall - A remnant from when there was a military base nearby, the Mess Hall has now been converted into a community dining space.
• Street Corner - The crossroads of activity, Cumberland's main street corner is a hive of activity, with street performers, vendors, and local events.
• Hill - Overlooking the town, Cumberland Hill is a serene spot, ideal for evening walks and watching sunsets.
• Farm - The oldest farm in Cumberland, it's a sprawling property that offers tours, hayrides, and a chance to experience farm life.
• River - The Cumberland River winds through the town, providing opportunities for fishing, boating, and riverside picnics.
• Boardwalk - Stretching along the river, the Boardwalk is lined with cafes, boutiques, and offers stunning views of the water.
• Diner - A retro establishment with checkered floors and jukeboxes, the Cumberland Diner is a nostalgic trip back in time.
• Vienna - A small district within Cumberland, Vienna is known for its European-style architecture and boutique shops.
• Pond - A tranquil water body in the middle of a park, Cumberland Pond is a haven for ducks and a popular spot for paddle boating.
• Back Nine - The last nine holes of Cumberland's golf course, known for their challenging terrain and mutant sand traps.
• Backwater - A quiet, marshy area on the outskirts of town, it's a haven for birdwatchers and nature enthusiasts.
• Fairgrounds - The venue for Cumberland's annual fair, it's a place of joy, games, rides, and festive foods.
• Barbeque Pit - A rustic eatery specializing in grilled and smoked delicacies. The smoky aroma can be sensed from a distance.
• Bodega - A small convenience store, the Bodega offers a mix of everyday items and imported goods.
• Feast - An upscale restaurant, Feast is where Cumberland's residents celebrate special occasions, known for its gourmet dishes.
• Hog Island - A small island in the Cumberland River, it's a popular spot for camping and weekend getaways.
• Cumberdome - An iconic structure in Cumberland, the Cumberdome is an amphitheater hosting concerts, plays, and fights to the death.
• Dive Bar - Tucked in a back alley, this bar is known for its live music, old-world charm, and strong drinks.
• Machine - An innovative tech hub, Machine is where young entrepreneurs and tech enthusiasts gather to create and innovate.
• O - A run down donut shop that now serves as a makeshift fort for the forces of donut kind, O is routinely under siege by anti-donut warriors.